Gisborne Churchof Christ |
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“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy”(Job 8:21) |
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OK… so it’s been an even longer time since we had any new jokes. Here’s a few newies to (hopefully) brighten your day.
Our collection is getting a little large for one page now, so click the Joke Archive button to see past jokes. Your contributions to this page are still very welcome.
Please send your contributions to: funnies@gisbornechurchofchrist.org.au
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Snow White bought a new camera. She happily took pictures of the dwarfs and the forest, and dropped off her first roll of film to be developed.
A few days later, she went to pick up the finished photos. "I'm sorry," the clerk told her. "They aren't back yet."
Disappointed, Snow White started to cry.
"Don't worry," the clerk said. "Someday your prints will come."
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Q: How does Santa like his pizza?
A: Deep and crisp & even
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A young teacher from the city had accepted a temporary job in a class of five-year-olds in a small farming community in outback NSW. One of her first lessons involved teaching the letter 'S', so she held up a big photo of a sheep and said: "Now, who can tell me what this is?"
No answer. Twenty blank and wordless faces looked back at her.
"Come on, who can tell me what this is?" she exclaimed, tapping the photo determinedly, unable to believe that the children were quite so ignorant. The 20 faces became apprehensive and even fearful as she continued to question them with mounting frustration.
Eventually, one brave soul put up a tiny, reluctant hand. "Yes!" she cried. "Tell me what you think this is!" "Please, Miss," said the boy warily. "Is it a three-year-old Spanish Merino?"
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A young man had just got his driver's licence and inquired of his father, a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to the study and said to the boy. "I’ll make a deal with you, son. You improve your grades to a B-average, study your Bible a bit more and get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car later."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he'd best settle for the offer and they agreed. After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the car. Again, they went into the study where his father said, "Son, I've been really proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you've been studying your Bible, but I'm very disappointed that you haven't got your hair cut".
The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair. Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there's even strong argument that Jesus himself had long hair."
To which his father replied, "You're right, son. Did you also notice that they all WALKED everywhere they went?"
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A selection of quotes:
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." Dick Cavett
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." George Gobol
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." Marty Feldman
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." George Carlin.
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we have no idea where she is." Ellen DeGeneris
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." Rodney Dangerfield.
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." Groucho Marx
"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me." Emo Phillips
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